You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
