he thought i was a dude.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
