Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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