and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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