We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
