Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
