is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
