I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
