there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
