i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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