God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
