Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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