Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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