He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
