Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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