Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
