So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
