apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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