i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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