Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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