White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
