i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
