porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
