I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need a beard to bite.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later