I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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