I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
