Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Quick, to the slutcave!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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