now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
