Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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