you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize