He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
