Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
