The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Someone came in the potted fern
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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