You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
