i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
