if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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