Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We have started to decorate penises.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
