he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
