My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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