if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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