i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
