Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Plan B is the new Plan A
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
