glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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