my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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