Say something about gay babies.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
