She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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