It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
