I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
