I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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