I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
