I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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