I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize