And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
