So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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