The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
