Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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