I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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