jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Boobs are out for the taking
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
