Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All the doctor said was why
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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