shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
