don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
