You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
