There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
