I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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