Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
