I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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