We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
