yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
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Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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