Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
