My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
