Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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