Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
