the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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