Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

dude i need help, im throwing up blood.

(323): View more from California

no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.

(310): View more from California

oh, so thats why my junks red.

(323): View more from California

wow. cant help you there...

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(716): View more from New York

So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.

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(214): View more from Texas

Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...

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(518): View more from New York

I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.

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(727): View more from Florida

His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.

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