It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
