I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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