I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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